The weight of continual disappointment

We have recently been on a really lovely, desperately needed, refreshing holiday. It was great and we both thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. However, in the middle of our lovely holiday I had a crushing disappointment which is beginning a sad, regular reality. My monthly cycle came in a very painful and difficult to manage way. We are currently trying naturally to get pregnant and I really thought we'd cracked it this month. I really, truly thought I was pregnant. My cycle started in a very strange way, teasing me with what I thought was implantation bleeding. A couple of days later I realised it definitely wasn't. I was crushed. Incredibly crushed. I tried to lift myself and enjoy our holiday but now we're back I'm feeling flat and disappointed yet again.

I'm really annoyed with myself because I thought I'd got to a place where I didn't put everything into trying each month so I didn't get so down when I wasn't. But this time was different. I'm not sure why but I had dreams and visions of coming home to take a pregnancy test and it being positive.

Facing disappointment month after month, year after year is utterly exhausting. I know I need to praise God in the face of my disappointment but man is it hard. So I'm going to end this post with 10 things to praise God for in the midst of this painful disappointment.

1. God I praise you for the lessons of endurance I have learnt during my years of infertility.

2. God I praise you for the 8 babies who now reside in heaven following our IVF experience.

3. God I praise you that I am ovulating and have the potential to get pregnant.

4. God I praise you for the babies I have carried in my womb.

5. God I praise you for the friends and community I have made during this long, long trial.

6. God I praise you for my amazing husband who is always by my side.

7. God I praise you for each and every time I have thought I was pregnant and I wasn't.

8. God I praise you for teaching me to wait on you.

9. God I praise you for giving me a job where I can out work my mother heart.

10. God I praise you because you alone are trustworthy, faithful and true to your promises.