Revelation

Sometimes I do or say things that make me want to run away from myself. Things that make me feel ashamed to be me. I don't need to go into details but I had one of those moments this morning. Normally I would beat myself up for hours after something like this and cry lots. Today however it happened straight after a really good time of prayer for the IVF and encouragement from a friend. So after about half an hour of giving in to temptation to be horrid to myself I felt myself 'wake up' and recognise the situation for what I believe it to be: spiritual attack in response to the work God was doing in the prayer time. I'm not saying the devil made me do the stupid thing but I do believe the temptation to respond to it in a negative way was spiritual in some way. I realised I had a choice to make. I could choose to be horrid to myself in various ways all day or I could forgive myself and ask God to forgive me too and move on. I chose to move on but it was not easy, I had to ask God for help me to forgive myself but I got there and had a pleasant afternoon. I've been feeling physically tired and unwell today which is probably due to my difficult working hours and I find it very hard to like myself when I feel like this but I now know, with a lot of conscious effort I can try at least.
On a slightly different subject but still a revelation it's starting to dawn on me that I'm probably going to have an embryo in my uterus in around 6 weeks! Really need to start praying that it works but that I don't get too stressed out if it doesn't. I've booked 2 weeks off work at the time I hope I'll be transferring. I wasn't going to buy I've been told I'll need to be relaxed as possible. I can't do that with several 12-14 hour shifts per week!