Just under a week ago we headed off to our clinic for our second attempt at frozen embryo transfer. We now have 5 days left in the excruciating wait to take a pregnancy test and find out if it's worked. 2 days after transfer I came down with, what has turned out to be, a nasty cold. I don't know if it was the cold/flu bug or the effects of the transfer meds or a combination of the two but I ended up being sick. This was possibly a blessing in disguise as it meant I was forced to take 2 days sick leave from work. If I'd not actually been sick I'd have struggled through with the cold which would probably have been a mistake. Add on the rota'd days off to the sick leave I'll have had a total of 7 days off to simply rest and wait. That sounds like bliss doesn't it? Well to me it's a struggle! I'm really rubbish at enjoying rest time recharging my batteries and always feel guilty for leaving people in the lurch at work, especially when I know how short staffed we are. But I'm slowly learning that sometimes we are given periods of rest just when we need them. I am learning what it is for me to recharge my batteries. I've always thought that for me to rest and recharge I needed to be doing something such as baking or crafts or planning a project. However recently I've been too tired or ill to do any of that. I have discovered the gift of sitting on the sofa watching comfort TV or reading a good book. I had to battle through the wall of boredom and guilt at doing nothing but I now view the last few days as a gift from God! Don't get me wrong there is still a place for baking and making therapy in my life but I'm grateful I now have the ability to rest and refresh a bit.
Another thing I've had to learn is how to wait well. That is even more of a work in progress than the rest thing. One way or another we have spent the whole of this year waiting at various stages in our IVF journey. You'd think we'd be experts at it by now! In reality I seem to find each wait harder than the previous one. This particular wait I was supposed to have work as a distraction but that hasn't happened as much as I thought it would. I know I need to physically wait to see if it's worked and spiritually wait on God to see if he'll come good on his promises to us. I don't know if I'm doing it right, I'm just doing it because there's no other option. We are only about 6 weeks past our first failed cycle which means this wait is full of temptation to think it hasn't worked again. I'm finding I'm having to consciously realign my thoughts to just live and not think too much. Although I am quite bored now I'm enjoying having time to myself. I just have to keep reminding myself that I need to live well through the waiting and resting and not dwell on the thoughts of another failed cycle. On that front I'm definitely a work in progress!
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