Expectation
At the beginning of 2019 we decided to have one last year of trying to have a baby before moving on to living well as a family of 2. We tried nearly every month to no avail until the 3rd December. My period was a couple of days late and the best way to start my period was to take a pregnancy test. So I did and when it was positive both Neil and I were utterly amazed. In fact, when I showed Neil he asked if I'd taken it out of the box like that! It was faint so I did a digital test a few days later which confirmed I was pregnant. As I had suffered a chemical pregnancy (a positive test which was negative the next week) in the past, I took another digital test the next week and the numbers had gone up. This was happening! We told a few people as we needed support. It's hard to live in answered prayer of a prayer you have prayed for 7 years plus. Once we got used to the idea though we were really excited. I got morning sickness quite early on, I've never been so happy to be sick!
Expectation
I have a very physical job so I told work so they could look after me during manual handling etc. It was quite exciting telling people and filling in my pregnancy risk assessment. We visited my parents just before Christmas and Neil's parents stayed with us for Christmas. We decided to tell them as my sickness was quite hard to hide. We have them Christmas cards addressed to Nana and Grandpa and Granny and Grandad from their miracle grandchild. They were all elated and very happy for us. It was an exciting time.
Expectation
We had our booking in appointment on the 29th of December. Our last two pregnancies were through IVF and ended before we got referred over to community midwives so this was a new experience for us. It was quite overwhelming but a really significant experience. I have a balanced chromosome translocation which doesn't affect my health but means my baby has a 50% chance of having a fatal genetic condition. Due to this I was referred to consultant care and had an early scan at 8 weeks. The scan happened to be on New Year's Eve. It was amazing, we saw our tiny baby and heard their wooshing heartbeat. All the reassurance we needed that we were actually having a baby. We both cried with happiness when we heard the heartbeat!
Expectation
A few weeks before I found out I was pregnant a friend approached me at church to pass on a word she had heard from God for me. She said God had said that November would be a significant month for me. I went away and prayed about it and weighed it up in scripture. Turns out I conceived in November! When I told my friend I was pregnant she said that she had actually felt God telling her I would be pregnant in November. This news filled me with hope that this would be the baby that we got to bring home.
Back in October we went to a prophetic event at church where we took part in a prayer tunnel. Basically everybody was prayed for by everyone else. A lady who I don't know and didn't know anything about my situation said over me 'God is opening doors for whatever it is you are waiting for'. At the time I wondered if this was about work or some other things in my life, I didn't dare to think it would be to do with having a baby. When I got pregnant I remembered this word and thanked God for opening this door.
A third encouragement from God came from a friend after I had told him I was pregnant. He said when he prayed for me he saw a tall figure surrounding me with a hand protecting my belly. This gave me hope that God was protecting this baby.
Disappointment
Until the night before the 12 week scan when I first saw blood I'd had no reason to believe anything was wrong with our miraculous baby. The miscarriage has been a complete rug being pulled out from beneath our feet experience. With all the words from God and me experiencing lots of pregnancy symptoms I really believed this baby would be fine. I'm really struggling with this loss. I know it's really early days so I'm being kind to myself but this all seems so cruel and unfair. I'm actually wishing I'd never got pregnant in the first place. Just to go through loss again.
We'll get through this, we've gotten through it before. But right now it's pants!
Goodbye Mini
Neil and I call each other Mr and Mrs Moo so we had been referring to our baby as Mini Moo. We have decided to say our baby was a girl and have named her Mini. Obviously we don't know what gender Mini Moo was but we didn't like referring to her as 'it' or 'they'. Goodbye Mini, rest well with all your brothers and sisters.
