Getting our ducks in a row

It will come as no surprise at all to you to hear that I pray every day that God will fulfill the desires of my heart and give me a baby. Recently, however I have been challenged to match these prayers with actions, steps of faith if you will. I feel strongly that God is in our ivf treatments despite the fact that it has been filled with complications and heart breaking disappointments. Us doing ivf was a huge step of faith and obedience and the troubles we've had have shaken that faith considerably. But we're still standing.

When I felt God saying I needed to match my prayers, hopes and faith for a baby with actions that demonstrate that faith I was surprised. What could demonstrate actively perusing my desire for a baby than doing ivf? But He has made me see I need fill my life with acts that demonstrate how ready our hearts and lives are for a baby. We need to get our ducks in a row.

With that in mind we have started to make significant changes to our lives. Next week we are picking up a new (to us) car. Our current car is fine but it's quite small and the boot is not big enough for a buggy. There are also issues with it that are fine for us as a couple to live with but could pose difficulties if we were to use it as a family car. The car we are getting is bigger and doesn't have the issues we have grown used to. And there's ample room in the boot for a buggy and other paraphernalia. It will be more expensive to run and it'll take us a while to pay off but we feel it is a step of faith. I've always known we would need a new car when we had a baby but I always thought I'd be pregnant when we did something about it.

The other major life change happening soon is my job. In about a month I'll be starting a job that has regular hours and is term time only. I currently work shifts that are very long and often very short notice. I would not be able to organise childcare around my shifts and the long hours would make working while pregnant quite hard. It is not just my desire for a baby motivating me to change jobs but my new job will give me a lifestyle much more conducive to being Mum! The fact that its term time only is a statement of faith for the future that I'll need to work around school term.

I need to be careful though. If I've learnt anything from all this its that obedience to God is not always followed by him fulfilling his promises to us. I need to guard my heart in this. Just because I'm doing these things to get my life and heart ready to have a baby doesn't mean I'm going to have a baby right away. It could well be several more years before God comes good on this particular promise to us.