Support through the pain

We finally made it to an infertility/miscarriage support group some days ago. The group started towards the end of last year and was something I knew we needed to be part of. However my crazy, short notice rota has prevented me from getting there till this month (it's a monthly group). There weren't many people there but it was such a worthwhile evening for us. Sharing stories and frustrations with people who have been through and are currently going through similar experiences was a beautiful if painful thing. A running theme in the stories shared was how easy it is to feel lonely and isolated during infertility and miscarriage. I have certainly felt that although I've had lots of support lots of the time. I'm incredibly grateful for my support network but miscarriage and infertility is such a hidden grief it's possible to feel lonely even when surrounded by supportive friends and family. Hopefully over time I can build relationships with other women in the group and we can break through the isolation together. I've found great support and release from isolation by spending time with friends who have been through similar experiences however they have kids. Sometimes that is a comforting reminder to me that children can come after tragedy. Sometimes it's a painful reminder that I'm still in the trenches. I love those friends and don't want to stop getting support there but if I can be a mutual support to someone in the group well, great!
After the group I had a virtually sleepless night. I found myself reliving my miscarriage experience in my mind and it felt even more raw and painful than when it happened. I'd also pushed myself hard in a running session that day and was in physical pain from that which didn't help. It meant the next day, which was a12 hr shift was one of the hardest days I've had in a while. I made it through by getting people to pray for me and managing to fit in a20 minute rest away from everything. I'm not going to stop going to support group because I think the benefits will far outweigh the difficulties. Next time though I'll make sure I cover myself in prayer first as I can't relive the pain every month.