Catalyst

We have just returned from camping with others from our church at the Catalyst festival. In science a catalyst is an agent for change and that's exactly what this years festival was for my attitude to IVF. We found ourselves in the healing tent at one point and received prayer for this, and any necessary subsequent cycles of IVF. While we were being prayed for I felt a real sense of peace for the first time since we started this process. When I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was a piece of paper saying freedom. That was perfect, I felt a real freedom from fear of miscarriage, failed cycles, side effects, injections, everything. I'm well aware that these things may still happen but for the first time none of it hold any fears for me. I have realised that it is possible to have difficulties in life without being riddled with anxiety and fear. After being prayed for I felt led to change the way I pray. Up till now I've been praying for help in the process and for the problems to ease. This time I prayed a prayer of thanks for our baby and for all the sleepless nights and tantrums we'll have to deal with! For me, the big take away statement is that God is God of the impossible. It may not be possible for us to naturally conceive but we have the God of the impossible on our side! In addition in one of the morning worship sessions I had a picture of God with babies playing at his feet. As I watched he picked up one of the babies and handed it to me saying "this is your child I have formed for you". It was a very profound moment and I felt like I saw the face of our child. Thankfully I was unaffected by side effects from my IVF nasal spray till this morning which is fine because I'm home now!