Tough day

Today has been a day full of pain both emotional and physical. It's probably been the hardest day since my surgery. Why has today been so tough? Well today was the start of my first period since my miscarriage. Physically it's different to what I'm used to, heavier and a lot more painful. This is normal apparently. Emotionally it's been like experiencing all the feelings all over again. As well as the physical symptoms being more intense in guessing a lot of what I'm feeling is due to the emotional symptoms also being more intense.
On Saturday we'll be celebrating being married for 6 years and also going to the wedding of a friend. Both happy things. However, I'm really struggling as Saturday approaches. All through this journey I've wanted to be pregnant for special occasions, Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, that kind of thing. When we got the positive in December I thought I'd cover them all. Managed to be pregnant for Christmas but then it all ended. I thought then that I'd be 15 weeks pregnant by our wedding anniversary this year. I'm now approaching that wedding anniversary with a bodily reminder that I'm no longer pregnant. I've also always wanted to attend a wedding pregnant. I'm back at square one and really sad about that.
This all feels like such a struggle. After years of struggling I finally got pregnant then I miscarried. Right now I don't know how I'm supposed to carry on. I know God loves me and uses everything for good but how can there be any good in this? My prayer is that someone reading this blog finds it helpful.
Miscarriage and infertility are battles that I think need to be talked about more. Tommy's, the charity that supports people with baby loss among other things is currently running a #miscourage campaign. I've decided I'm going to add my story to their cause. I need a few days to gather my thoughts but wanted to commit myself to writing it here. Have included that commitment in this post as a way of focusing on what might be something good (sharing my story) on such a rubbish day.