Father's Day?

(Guest post by Neil)


Last year I received a Father’s Day card. That’s pretty remarkable, considering I’m not yet a father. It came via one of those websites that do personalised cards, and the front of it read “Neil will be an amazing Dad”. Of course it was from my wonderful wife (who also got me some rather nice beer). I still keep the card on my bedside table. Let me tell you the story behind it.
I had always assumed that I would have children one day, but it always seemed something for the distant future - I hadn’t really thought about what it would actually mean when it happened. As I got older and still hadn’t found “the one”, the idea of fatherhood faded into the background. After all, the older I was when I got married, presumably the older my wife would be, and the less likely we would be able to have children. In time I pretty much came to accept that I would never be a father, and concentrated on finding the person I would spend the rest of my life with.
God has a habit of doing the unexpected – I certainly never expected to marry  a woman 11 years younger than myself. Cara was still well within the normal age range for having a first child, and motherhood was unquestionably on her agenda. Frankly, this scared me; I could easily see her as a mother, but now it was a real possibility, I found it difficult to see myself as a father. After all, parenthood means taking full responsibility for another person’s life. How could I possibly manage that? We had several chats on the subject, and Cara assured me that everyone feels that way until the time comes. If I’m honest, I wasn’t very reassured.
Two years into our marriage we decided it was time to try. Cara has written elsewhere about the issues we have faced and are still facing, so I won’t repeat them here, but let’s just say it has been very difficult and we’re not at the end of the road yet. But a major turning point for me came last May at a Christian event called the Catalyst Festival. We had been to a seminar on adoption, and were both beginning to think that God might be taking us in that direction, when I received some prayer at one of the evening meetings. The person who prayed for me did not know me or anything about our situation. After asking me whether I was married and whether we had kids, he told me that God was saying I would be a father. He didn’t specify when, or indeed how – whether by natural birth, adoption, or perhaps in a less literal sense. But for the first time, I knew that fatherhood was part of God’s plan for me. And if it’s his plan, then he’ll equip me for the task.
Don’t get me wrong – the thought still scares me silly. But then God often asks us to do scary things. The difference is one of faith: now I’m more sure that it is his will, I have confidence that he is equipping me for the task – I know, as the card says, that I’ll be a fantastic Dad, because the greatest Dad of all will be with me. I can’t honestly say I have the same inbuilt desire to be a parent as Cara – I’m not sure any man does. But now, as we go through all the trials of infertility, IVF and possibly adoption, I’m not merely supporting Cara so that she can have her heart’s desire. I’m also pursuing my own destiny, and while I’m still scared, I also have peace. And I think, if you’re doing it right, that’s exactly what being a Christian is meant to be like.