I was never under any illusions that this journey with fertility treatment would be an easy road. However, recently I have realised how easy it could be to let the struggle harden my heart. Every time a friend announces a pregnancy or has a baby I can feel myself developing even more of a shell, my heart hardens. Even each month as my cycle starts and I have to face another month of disappointment hardens me up a little. It's a mechanism of self preservation really. It has struck me though that I don't have to live with this hardened heart. Each time I face a bump in the road of infertility I have a choice to make. I can choose to remain hard and protect myself or I can choose to feel the pain and trust God to protect me. I'm not saying I make the right choice every time but there is grace and forgiveness and I don't have to remain so hardened. Inevitably this process is going to change me, I just pray I change for the better.
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