Pain

What with the highs of our appointment and the healing miracles I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with the fact that infertility still causes me pain. The sting of childlessness is still ever present and if anything is more acute since finding out God is getting my body ready to carry a child. I'm still waiting for my monthly to start so I can phone the unit. Even when I phone my meds won't start till day 21 and we're probably looking at 4 months before we can implant an embryo. And it might not take first time. Before we started on the IVF road infertility was all about pain and no hope, now I have hope but still plenty of pain. I knew how to call with pain when that's all there was. Now, of I'm honest I feel like a bit of a fraud. Is it OK to still find it impossibly hard a lot of the time? Does it play down the hope from the miracles and IVF appointment success if I still get upset because I am childless? Is it acceptable to still find it difficult to be around parents and babies? I don't know the answers to these questions, just wish I could stop feeling like a fraud!