I had surgery on Thursday to complete my miscarriage. I'm almost recovered physically so we've decided this weekend is about saying goodbye and starting on the road to emotional recovery. We had a little private moment yesterday letting a balloon into the sky and praying for our little blob. That needs to be just between Neil and I and God so I'm not going to share any details of that here. But as part of our weekend of saying goodbye we thought we'd try our hands at a joint blog post. Hopefully it will give some insight into the ways something like this affects men and women differently.
What has been the hardest thing about this experience?
Cara: For me this miscarriage has taken me completely by surprise. We did IVF with PGD to lessen the risk of miscarriage. After the miracles preparing my body for IVF and the difficult year we had with treatment I thought once I got pregnant that would be it. I don't understand why God would let us go through all this to finally give us a baby after 4 years then take it away. I know he's promised us we'll have children so how can I believe God keeps his promises when this promise has been ripped away from us?
Cara: For me this miscarriage has taken me completely by surprise. We did IVF with PGD to lessen the risk of miscarriage. After the miracles preparing my body for IVF and the difficult year we had with treatment I thought once I got pregnant that would be it. I don't understand why God would let us go through all this to finally give us a baby after 4 years then take it away. I know he's promised us we'll have children so how can I believe God keeps his promises when this promise has been ripped away from us?
Neil: The hardest thing has been supporting Cara. Of course we've both lost a baby, but she has all the physical side to deal with as well. And while I do want to be a father, she has the mothering instinct hard wired in a way men can't hope to understand. If we ever find ourselves in the same position again, I am definitely staying with her in the hospital!
What, if anything, has made this experience easier to deal with?
Cara: It's been amazing finding out just how many people have been through something similar. It's a horrid thing but there's something comforting about knowing we're not the only ones going through this.
Cara: It's been amazing finding out just how many people have been through something similar. It's a horrid thing but there's something comforting about knowing we're not the only ones going through this.
Neil: As Cara has mentioned in a previous post, last weekend we were at a special event for Christian couples facing infertility. The love and support we received was incredible, but in addition the timing (we booked on the event long before we knew about the miscarriage) helped remind me that God is in control, however hard that is to believe when it's all happening. Also I should say that my work have been very understanding and given me all the time off I need.
What are your hopes for the future?
Cara: Obviously I hope for a baby to come from at least one of our remaining IVF embryos. More than that though I hope that I can learn how to trust God again and rest in him to find my comfort. I know he is faithful and keeps his promises and I want to believe that is true for us again. We're having a break from treatment because I want to believe that God will be in the next treatment, I'm not there yet.
Cara: Obviously I hope for a baby to come from at least one of our remaining IVF embryos. More than that though I hope that I can learn how to trust God again and rest in him to find my comfort. I know he is faithful and keeps his promises and I want to believe that is true for us again. We're having a break from treatment because I want to believe that God will be in the next treatment, I'm not there yet.
Neil: I know I'm going to be a father one day, because God has told me so. How that comes about - IVF, naturally or adoption - and when, I can't know. And I'm sure there's a lot more heartache to come, although I really hope we don't have to go through this past week ever again! Hopefully, as well as eventually having children of our own, we'll be better placed after this to minister to other couples going through something similar.
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